Shit Food Bloggers Say

Anonymous asked: Why does my oven hate me?

Your oven is a projection of your inner demons.

It’s like getting high on mushrooms. If you’re not in a good place, if you haven’t dealt with shit, your high is going to make you see really bad things.

Things like your 8th birthday party when your mom said you couldn’t have cake because you were a little poofy.

Or you’ll see images of your website’s server crashing and you realized they never did back ups and you’ve lost your life’s work.

Or you’ll think you’re drowning in a vat of lard you rendered yourself when in fact you’re just hanging in your kiddie pool you filled with buttercream.

So get your shit together.

And tell yourself, “My oven doesn’t hate me. My mom does.”