Shit Food Bloggers Say

Anonymous asked: Do you have a technique for opening bags of King Arthur unbleached all-purpose flour? (It always ends up all over the place when I do it.)

I am confused. Why are you not milling your own grain? What kind of food blogger are you?

If you choose to act like a civilian (non-food blogger), then here’s how you do it…

• Grab your bag of KA flour.
• Hold it steady with one hand.
• With the other hand, grab a pair of scissors. 
• Stab the flour bag. Fiercely. Repeatedly. Stab until all the flour comes pouring out on to the floor. 
• Put down the scissors.
• Pick up your iPhone.
• Rev up the Instagram app.
• Take a picture of the flour that has dumped on the floor.
• Choose your fave filter.
• Upload it with the caption “My Empty Dreams!”
• Make sure to post on Twitter and Facebook.
• Cry.